Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
