I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's the barista slut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will be naked everywhere
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize