Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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