Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
