You're so nebulous sometimes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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