Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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