Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
