I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
