An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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