Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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