they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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