3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
