That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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