a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
