Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize