i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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