Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
