She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
