I didn't shave. On purpose
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
