When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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