Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize