when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
