Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
