Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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