You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
