i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
