then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
