he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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