I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
