He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
