ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
