trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
