I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
