I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
