Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
