You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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