Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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