he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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