You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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