Where is the hickey?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
