Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
