I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
