"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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