I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I color on your dick again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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