P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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