Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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