didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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