I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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