its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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