i think my mom watched the whole time
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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