Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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