Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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