Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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