8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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