I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
