She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
