You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
