Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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