Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
