So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize