Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize