if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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