I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
