someone owes me an orgasm
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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