that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
zippers are such a cool invention
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
