Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
