ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
