I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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