Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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