ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
