I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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