Are we in a gay sports bar?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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