So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
