I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize