At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did i walk over a car last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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