I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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