We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
